7 ways to deal with conflicts
Recently, in one of my ‘Creative problem solving’ workshops, an attendee told me that he had fight with his teammate, who was also his best friend. But, misunderstandings flipped out between them over very small issues. Along with this, he mentioned that he has an absurd manager who pinches him and make issues out of everything. He becomes frustrated of circumstances and things happening around him, he feels like leaving his job.
This made me think about conflicts and encouraged me to write this blog to help many going through conflict mismanagement problem. Do you ever think, what causes conflicts, how to deal with the conflict causing people and situations? My experience says that the unmet expectations are the reasons behind all this mess. Human mind makes assumptions about everything and perceive things accordingly. One does something or doesn’t do something; we just make assumptions, which are usually negative.
Our weakness to accept that other people have their own outlook and beliefs, as they are different than what we expect them to be, and don’t have any concern to the assumptions or meanings that we have developed for them. The other person can’t get idea of our expectations until we express to them. This matrix of expectations, assumptions, meanings and differences cause conflicts and ruin relationships and peace of mind.
My idea to deal with conflicts is to reframe or change our perceptions and take them as growth opportunities. Most of the people consider conflicts as time to bail out, especially when it comes to their ego. In such situations, it may be difficult to get solution, and matter goes even worse. What we need to understand is the fact that conflicts are inevitable in relationships and at workplace.
Some people find that not sharing the opinions is the only key to get out of conflicts, but it’s very destructive for your physical and mental health and social life. The simplest way is to share your opinions in productive manner and trying to be clam and neutral at the time of conflicts. I would like to tell you some easy practices that I believe would definitely help you to overcome conflicts.
Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill
Always remember not to make something a big battle unless it’s truly worth it. Don’t sweat the small stuff, try to forgive and think with open mind. As it is said that, ‘A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open”. Every misunderstanding or disagreement isn’t an argument. It can be solved through clam talks or healthy conversation. Though, it doesn’t mean that you always bow down in such situations, when you feel the need of an argument, go for it and solve it with positive attitude.
Respect and accept the differences
We all are completely different personalities belong to different backgrounds, have different beliefs and values. Accept other’s views and responses. ‘Unconditional acceptance’ is the best way to avoid conflicts. You can’t get fit in other’s shoes, and so as others in yours. “Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness”. Personal counter attacks are even more damaging; therefore, discuss about what habit or behaviour upsets you or causing the conflict.
Patience sucks!!! Well, this is what I used to think earlier, but luckily now things have changed! It’s hard to practice patience when your anger blows out of your eyes, but try to take some deep breaths, decide to take break or review the discussion. In my experience, it’s not that tough when you start showing patience with every little thing that boils you.
Don’t make assumptions
You can never truly get intentions of someone else. Our mind becomes habitual to make negative assumptions, leading us to think only bad about others. Try to become compassionate, not selfish. Feel good about others is easier than the sense of doubt and negative judgments. Just give it a try and feel the difference.
Expectations kill, so don’t expect
Expectations kill your personal and professional relationships. But at workplace you cannot ignore it. You need to realize that expectations differ from person to person, in that scenario it is important to clarify the expectations. I have learned that taking things easy and in their natural rhythms help you to lower expectations from others. It is the best way to avoid conflicts.
Winning fight is not your objective, but finding solution is
It is always better to be happy and in peace than just to be right. Proving yourself right at any cost is not a right approach. Winning the conflict is not your objective, find solution to dissolve the problem.
Don’t allow your past to ruin your present
Once both the sides have clarified their views, let it go. A healthy discussion is the end of a conflict. When you chose to forgive, you are free to move ahead and grab new opportunities.
Hope this blog helps you to overcome conflicts. Google & Youtube & my Blog https://www.miteshkhatri.com/blog/ are great places to find self help material. Good luck!!