Yesterday I was coaching a friend who was feeling extremely low because his boss criticized him, judged him, questioned his potential and even looked down to him.

How would you feel if someone criticized you?
How would you feel if people doubt your potential?
How would you feel if someone looks down to you?

Well one thing you must know that no matter how successful you become, you will still meet people who will criticize you, doubt your potential and look down to you. You cannot make everybody happy in this world, you will always have some people who will judge you and criticize you for who you are. You cannot avoid this, that’s for sure.

So how will you feel when this happens? Most people would naturally feel bad, angry, frustrated and even feel low about themselves. But hey I am here to tell you that it is NOT OK to feel low about yourself just because someone else looks down to you. It is NOT OK to lose control over your emotions just because someone does not believe in you. No it is NOT OK to feel bad when someone criticizes you!

Because the moment you feel bad, you are allowing someone’s opinion to impact your self esteem and that’s the path to self destruction. When I said this to my friend yesterday he asked So what do I do then? Isn’t it natural to feel low and bad when someone looks down to me? After all I am a human being, wont i feel bad?

My answer is NO it is not natural, it is a conditioned habit to feel bad. Just because most people have this bad habit of feeling bad, it is called natural but its not. You are not born with this habit, you developed it with years of conditioning by learning from you parents, friends, teachers, colleagues and your environment. If you are not born with this habit how can it be natural!

So my friend asked me again, what do i do then? This is when i coached him in learning the 3 steps of Dealing with Criticism:

1) Accept Yourself even when others don’t accept you: 

When you accept yourself the way you are then no matter how much people criticize you, it wont matter, you wont feel bad because you are not ashamed of who you are. When you have your own acceptance what other people think about you, doesn’t matter. After you accept yourself you will feel strong and unaffected by other people’s criticism, then…

2) Learn from Criticism and improve yourself rather than getting worst:

If you stop at acceptance you will become arrogant and that’s not what i am suggesting. After you accept yourself remember to ask yourself: What can i learn from this criticism? If you feel bad and low, you will only get worst then who you are but if you learn from criticism you will become better than who you are. No matter how good you are at something, there is always scope for getting better so learn from every criticism you receive and become a better YOU.

3) Feel Grateful for the person who criticized you:

Your final and biggest test is to feel grateful towards the person who criticized you for showing you how you can become a better person. If you are angry with the person that means you are still feeling bad about what they said, which is a sign that you have still not done step 1 of accepting yourself the way you are. Thus it is extremely important that you feel grateful towards the person rather than feeling any negative emotion. My friends asked me so that means i need to forgive the person for criticizing me? NO they criticized you from their point of view and they have are entitled to their point of view, they are not sorry for it so they don’t need your forgiveness. Besides if you accept yourself the way you are then you wont feel bad when they criticize you and you have nothing to forgive for if you have not felt bad for what they said, right! Bottom line, feel grateful for the person because that’s how you become a better person.

I know this is not easy, but hey we all known building any new habit is not easy. Even cycling was not easy remember, but if you practice enough you can build strong habits that will make a strong YOU.

So the next time someone looks down to you remember to (1) Accept yourself (2) Learn from that Criticism and (3) Feel Grateful for the person who criticized you. If you need personal coaching to master these steps you can contact me for a personal session.

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All the Best

Mitesh Khatri